


the darkness and neon lights (enclosed in a shrine)

by kimaracretak



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Force Hallucinations, Gen, ambiguity of the moral and reality sorts, fey fairytale wars, i am editing this Months Later to add that, i don't know if this is how the force works and i don't particularly care tbh, possessiveness and entirely uncomfortable interpretations thereof, rey makes kylo's life miserable in every reality, stands on rooftop this is not a shipfic please don't call this shipfic, unreality, vaguely mindfucky, you know what the antis can eat me this is fucking shipfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7312609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/pseuds/kimaracretak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(why always staring into the light? / if I don't hide inside the darkness / you'll be compromised): She comes to him sometimes as the wolf, bloodstained teeth that drip crimson and black in time with the blood from his cheek, each drop <em>one two three</em> against the deck a deep hum that could replace the beating of his heart.</p><p>Or; Left alone in space after Starkiller, Kylo dreams (maybe).</p>
            </blockquote>





	the darkness and neon lights (enclosed in a shrine)

**Author's Note:**

> i know almost nothing about the star wars canon outside of tfa and i'm ... actually okay with that, i just want a fey fairytale war in space and rey and kylo are as close to that as i think i'm gonna get for a while
> 
> title from lacuna coil, 'delirium', summary quote from lacuna coil, 'house of shame'

Softly spins the night around him now and there is nothing, nothing but _nothing_  outside his skin outside his ship. The fighter tumbles through the void, a second metal skin to his pale scarred unbearably human one, each brush of dust against its hull a claw dragged through his flesh.

Alone alone _alone_ , he's alone in a way he hasn't been since he was a child and the dark would only talk back when it chose to, before the Supreme Leader helped him lay his mind bare to it and swallow it whole.

( _it was worth it it was always worth it was it worth it even when it swallowed you too_ )

Now there is just disappointment that presses down on him thick enough to drown, his mother's and his father's and the Supreme Leader's and, worst of all, the girl's.

It is Rey's he feels the most, horror-tinged and eddying around him in the Force -- she's far, so far away

( _is she ever can she ever be you are joined now too alike and too opposite_ )

and she projects and she pulls and she is untrained and this is dangerous because he is supposed to train her, she will not untrain him.

She comes to him sometimes as the wolf, bloodstained teeth that drip crimson and black in time with the blood from his cheek, each drop _one two three_ against the deck a deep hum that could replace the beating of his heart.

She comes to him sometimes as the girl, near-transparent in her scavenger's rags except for the light pouring blue and grey from her hands, and those are the nights that he screams.

 

*

 

His ship crashes and the ground that rushes up to welcome him is green and alive and it _sings_  and each note is a nail thrust through his eardrum and when unconsciousness cradles him again he thinks that he will take the teeth of the dark he cannot see over the bloom of the light that pretends to hide nothing whenever he can

( _you never had a choice and you will never be so lucky that she offers you one_ )

and yet there is the girl when he closes his eyes and the girl when he opens them and she is not always the wolf but that is all she will ever be to him.

He focuses on the pain of the crash, lets it pass through him, lets it _burn_ , shields of fire that are all heat and no light, twisted into ropes of anger

( _to be thrown and used unless she were here and you would let her bind you, oh yes, bound to your anger and bound to her and more_ )

that he would cast to the sky and climb to freedom until the atmosphere thins and he is crushed, every hollow bone snapping and crumbling into the dark, dust in space again and the only home that can't hurt

( _but isn't home supposed to hurt?_ ).

 

*

 

She doesn't leave, but she's not real, can't be real, because the last time she was real she cut him open with sabre and mind and only turned away when the ground tore itself in two between them.

She isn't real so he asks her _please_ , reaches out for her with his mind and tangles ghosted hunting fingers in the artfully tattered edges of hers and _pulls_ , says _come here come here here where I have made our home_.

The girl is feral and the girl is strong and her fires spark against his with a _crack_  that sends him reeling back as if the earth had split apart again. She laughs, or he imagines she laughs on whatever far-off planet she's found herself on, says _wrong_  says _weak_  says _not ours, never ours, even if I pulled you to my home._

This Rey, planet-Rey, real and ghost and unreal, doesn't laugh. She watches, flicks her sabre on and off as he huddles against the wreckage of his ship, and doesn't even look like she _wants_  to kill him.

Liar, she's

( _just like you because you were never going to kill her either, not before you could see how proud he was of you for capturing the Resistance's darling, how much they hated you for it_ )

too bright, washing out even the sun because her raw coiled power lights her up in a way fusion never could, and he reaches out with and for the shadows, creeps across the ground and never quite touches the edge of her circle and reminds her that flames too can have their colours drained.

When she turns to him she is the wolf again and she snarls, eyes the unnatural blue of her sabre that ignite his on the ground in response and when the light shivers, unstable and a knife edge from shattering, he feels it in blood, the hunt turned _wrong_.

 

*

 

They are on a planet out of time, locked mind against mind and the earth under their feet would consume them if they had not already taken so much from each other that there is little left 

( _and if she were real would she have ever granted you this but if she were unreal should she not have left_ )

but more than enough to mirror, more than enough to _pull._

He sprawls on the grass, flings his arms open to the sky and wishes it to fall, wishes for the pain that she has kept back for too long, for the pain that he had feared instead of the unnatural pale _burn_  that is the pale of her eyes as the wolf and her skin as the girl and everything that she is in the Force. She offers him a hand, pulls him to his knees and no further.

 _Mine_ , Rey says, and he sees the flare of the scavenger's triumph behind her eyes from the embers of doubt he can still see lingering at the edges of the victory fire licking at her pupils and dancing around her fingers.

 _Yours,_  he says, and he means it to be a challenge; what comes out instead is _yours?_ , a question and a plea and nothing he should ever sound like kneeling so defiantly in front of her

( _kneeling at her feet where you belong_ )

when the lightsaber in her hand has faded because she has no need for it when her presence, physical and Force alike, has him pinned so thoroughly

( _because you don't, can't want to break this_ ).

 

*

 

Kylo Ren does not leave this world.


End file.
